diff --git a/Cargo.lock b/Cargo.lock
index ba57f24..935c9f0 100644
--- a/Cargo.lock
+++ b/Cargo.lock
@@ -1497,7 +1497,6 @@ dependencies = [
  "gray_matter",
  "log",
  "octocrab",
- "once_cell",
  "owo-colors 4.0.0",
  "poise",
  "rand",
diff --git a/Cargo.toml b/Cargo.toml
index 6af8378..7678984 100644
--- a/Cargo.toml
+++ b/Cargo.toml
@@ -23,7 +23,6 @@ eyre = "0.6.11"
 log = "0.4.20"
 poise = "0.6.1"
 octocrab = "0.37.0"
-once_cell = "1.19.0"
 owo-colors = "4.0.0"
 rand = "0.8.5"
 redis = { version = "0.25.2", features = ["tokio-comp", "tokio-rustls-comp"] }
diff --git a/src/api/dadjoke.rs b/src/api/dadjoke.rs
index 2675da6..642d656 100644
--- a/src/api/dadjoke.rs
+++ b/src/api/dadjoke.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-use crate::api::REQWEST_CLIENT;
-
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::debug;
 
@@ -8,7 +6,7 @@ const DADJOKE: &str = "https://icanhazdadjoke.com";
 pub async fn get_joke() -> Result<String> {
 	debug!("Making request to {DADJOKE}");
 
-	let resp = REQWEST_CLIENT
+	let resp = super::client()
 		.get(DADJOKE)
 		.header("Accept", "text/plain")
 		.send()
diff --git a/src/api/github.rs b/src/api/github.rs
index 18fce69..42f4a8b 100644
--- a/src/api/github.rs
+++ b/src/api/github.rs
@@ -1,16 +1,18 @@
-use std::sync::Arc;
+use std::sync::{Arc, OnceLock};
 
 use eyre::{Context, OptionExt, Result};
 use log::debug;
 use octocrab::Octocrab;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 
-static OCTOCRAB: Lazy<Arc<Octocrab>> = Lazy::new(octocrab::instance);
+fn octocrab() -> &'static Arc<Octocrab> {
+	static OCTOCRAB: OnceLock<Arc<Octocrab>> = OnceLock::new();
+	OCTOCRAB.get_or_init(octocrab::instance)
+}
 
 pub async fn get_latest_prism_version() -> Result<String> {
 	debug!("Fetching the latest version of Prism Launcher");
 
-	let version = OCTOCRAB
+	let version = octocrab()
 		.repos("PrismLauncher", "PrismLauncher")
 		.releases()
 		.get_latest()
@@ -23,7 +25,7 @@ pub async fn get_latest_prism_version() -> Result<String> {
 pub async fn get_prism_stargazers_count() -> Result<u32> {
 	debug!("Fetching Prism Launcher's stargazer count");
 
-	let stargazers_count = OCTOCRAB
+	let stargazers_count = octocrab()
 		.repos("PrismLauncher", "PrismLauncher")
 		.get()
 		.await
diff --git a/src/api/mod.rs b/src/api/mod.rs
index 649be3e..99d51fb 100644
--- a/src/api/mod.rs
+++ b/src/api/mod.rs
@@ -1,4 +1,8 @@
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
+
+use eyre::Result;
+use log::debug;
+use reqwest::{Client, Response};
 
 pub mod dadjoke;
 pub mod github;
@@ -7,15 +11,36 @@ pub mod pluralkit;
 pub mod prism_meta;
 pub mod rory;
 
-pub static USER_AGENT: Lazy<String> = Lazy::new(|| {
-	let version = option_env!("CARGO_PKG_VERSION").unwrap_or("development");
+pub fn client() -> &'static reqwest::Client {
+	static CLIENT: OnceLock<Client> = OnceLock::new();
+	CLIENT.get_or_init(|| {
+		let version = option_env!("CARGO_PKG_VERSION").unwrap_or("development");
+		let user_agent = format!("refraction/{version}");
+		Client::builder()
+			.user_agent(user_agent)
+			.build()
+			.unwrap_or_default()
+	})
+}
 
-	format!("refraction/{version}")
-});
+pub async fn get_url(url: &str) -> Result<Response> {
+	debug!("Making request to {url}");
+	let resp = client().get(url).send().await?;
+	resp.error_for_status_ref()?;
 
-pub static REQWEST_CLIENT: Lazy<reqwest::Client> = Lazy::new(|| {
-	reqwest::Client::builder()
-		.user_agent(USER_AGENT.to_string())
-		.build()
-		.unwrap_or_default()
-});
+	Ok(resp)
+}
+
+pub async fn text_from_url(url: &str) -> Result<String> {
+	let resp = get_url(url).await?;
+
+	let text = resp.text().await?;
+	Ok(text)
+}
+
+pub async fn bytes_from_url(url: &str) -> Result<Vec<u8>> {
+	let resp = get_url(url).await?;
+
+	let bytes = resp.bytes().await?;
+	Ok(bytes.to_vec())
+}
diff --git a/src/api/paste_gg.rs b/src/api/paste_gg.rs
index c649429..4fdd59d 100644
--- a/src/api/paste_gg.rs
+++ b/src/api/paste_gg.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-use crate::{api::REQWEST_CLIENT, utils};
-
 use eyre::{eyre, OptionExt, Result};
 use log::debug;
 use serde::{Deserialize, Serialize};
@@ -32,7 +30,7 @@ pub struct Files {
 pub async fn get_files(id: &str) -> Result<Response<Files>> {
 	let url = format!("{PASTE_GG}{PASTES}/{id}/files");
 	debug!("Making request to {url}");
-	let resp = REQWEST_CLIENT.get(url).send().await?;
+	let resp = super::client().get(url).send().await?;
 	resp.error_for_status_ref()?;
 	let resp: Response<Files> = resp.json().await?;
 
@@ -49,7 +47,7 @@ pub async fn get_files(id: &str) -> Result<Response<Files>> {
 
 pub async fn get_raw_file(paste_id: &str, file_id: &str) -> eyre::Result<String> {
 	let url = format!("{PASTE_GG}{PASTES}/{paste_id}/files/{file_id}/raw");
-	let text = utils::text_from_url(&url).await?;
+	let text = super::text_from_url(&url).await?;
 
 	Ok(text)
 }
diff --git a/src/api/pluralkit.rs b/src/api/pluralkit.rs
index b711be6..5e28512 100644
--- a/src/api/pluralkit.rs
+++ b/src/api/pluralkit.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-use crate::api::REQWEST_CLIENT;
-
 use eyre::{Context, Result};
 use log::debug;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::{MessageId, UserId};
@@ -17,7 +15,7 @@ pub async fn get_sender(message_id: MessageId) -> Result<UserId> {
 	let url = format!("{PLURAL_KIT}{MESSAGES}/{message_id}");
 
 	debug!("Making request to {url}");
-	let resp = REQWEST_CLIENT.get(url).send().await?;
+	let resp = super::client().get(url).send().await?;
 	resp.error_for_status_ref()?;
 
 	let data: Message = resp.json().await?;
diff --git a/src/api/prism_meta.rs b/src/api/prism_meta.rs
index fbc5878..9b23fd4 100644
--- a/src/api/prism_meta.rs
+++ b/src/api/prism_meta.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-use crate::api::REQWEST_CLIENT;
-
 use eyre::{OptionExt, Result};
 use log::debug;
 use serde::{Deserialize, Serialize};
@@ -20,7 +18,7 @@ pub async fn get_latest_minecraft_version() -> Result<String> {
 	let url = format!("{META}{MINECRAFT_PACKAGEJSON}");
 
 	debug!("Making request to {url}");
-	let resp = REQWEST_CLIENT.get(url).send().await?;
+	let resp = super::client().get(url).send().await?;
 	resp.error_for_status_ref()?;
 
 	let data: MinecraftPackageJson = resp.json().await?;
diff --git a/src/api/rory.rs b/src/api/rory.rs
index ccbcada..bb64a0c 100644
--- a/src/api/rory.rs
+++ b/src/api/rory.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-use crate::api::REQWEST_CLIENT;
-
 use eyre::{Context, Result};
 use log::debug;
 use serde::{Deserialize, Serialize};
@@ -20,10 +18,7 @@ pub async fn get(id: Option<u64>) -> Result<Response> {
 
 	debug!("Making request to {url}");
 
-	let resp = REQWEST_CLIENT
-		.get(format!("{RORY}{PURR}/{target}"))
-		.send()
-		.await?;
+	let resp = super::client().get(url).send().await?;
 	resp.error_for_status_ref()?;
 
 	let data: Response = resp
diff --git a/src/commands/general/members.rs b/src/commands/general/members.rs
index 94204cc..48525be 100644
--- a/src/commands/general/members.rs
+++ b/src/commands/general/members.rs
@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@ pub async fn members(ctx: Context<'_>) -> Result<()> {
 	let embed = CreateEmbed::new()
 		.title(format!("{member_count} total members!",))
 		.description(format!("{online_count} online members",))
-		.color(consts::COLORS["blue"]);
+		.color(consts::colors()["blue"]);
 	let reply = CreateReply::default().embed(embed);
 
 	ctx.send(reply).await?;
diff --git a/src/commands/general/stars.rs b/src/commands/general/stars.rs
index 710fa5d..4858d87 100644
--- a/src/commands/general/stars.rs
+++ b/src/commands/general/stars.rs
@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@ pub async fn stars(ctx: Context<'_>) -> Result<()> {
 
 	let embed = CreateEmbed::new()
 		.title(format!("⭐ {count} total stars!"))
-		.color(consts::COLORS["yellow"]);
+		.color(consts::colors()["yellow"]);
 	let reply = CreateReply::default().embed(embed);
 
 	ctx.send(reply).await?;
diff --git a/src/commands/general/tag.rs b/src/commands/general/tag.rs
index 43fa7a8..b34a250 100644
--- a/src/commands/general/tag.rs
+++ b/src/commands/general/tag.rs
@@ -1,16 +1,18 @@
 #![allow(non_camel_case_types, clippy::upper_case_acronyms)]
-use crate::tags::Tag;
-use crate::{consts, Context};
+use crate::{consts, tags::Tag, Context};
 use std::env;
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
 
 use eyre::{eyre, Result};
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::{Color, CreateEmbed, User};
 use poise::CreateReply;
 
 include!(concat!(env!("OUT_DIR"), "/generated.rs"));
-static TAGS: Lazy<Vec<Tag>> = Lazy::new(|| serde_json::from_str(env!("TAGS")).unwrap());
+fn tags() -> &'static Vec<Tag> {
+	static TAGS: OnceLock<Vec<Tag>> = OnceLock::new();
+	TAGS.get_or_init(|| serde_json::from_str(env!("TAGS")).unwrap())
+}
 
 /// Send a tag
 #[poise::command(
@@ -27,7 +29,7 @@ pub async fn tag(
 	trace!("Running tag command");
 
 	let tag_id = name.as_str();
-	let tag = TAGS
+	let tag = tags()
 		.iter()
 		.find(|t| t.id == tag_id)
 		.ok_or_else(|| eyre!("Tried to get non-existent tag: {tag_id}"))?;
@@ -38,7 +40,7 @@ pub async fn tag(
 		let mut e = CreateEmbed::new();
 
 		if let Some(color) = &frontmatter.color {
-			let color = *consts::COLORS
+			let color = *consts::colors()
 				.get(color.as_str())
 				.unwrap_or(&Color::default());
 			e = e.color(color);
@@ -76,7 +78,7 @@ pub async fn tag(
 }
 
 fn help() -> String {
-	let tag_list = TAGS
+	let tag_list = tags()
 		.iter()
 		.map(|tag| format!("`{}`", tag.id))
 		.collect::<Vec<String>>()
diff --git a/src/commands/moderation/set_welcome.rs b/src/commands/moderation/set_welcome.rs
index c5c7f03..a9438d2 100644
--- a/src/commands/moderation/set_welcome.rs
+++ b/src/commands/moderation/set_welcome.rs
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 use std::{fmt::Write, str::FromStr};
 
-use crate::{utils, Context};
+use crate::{api, utils, Context};
 
 use eyre::{bail, Result};
 use log::trace;
@@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ pub async fn set_welcome(
 			return Ok(());
 		}
 
-		utils::text_from_url(&url).await?
+		api::text_from_url(&url).await?
 	} else {
 		ctx.say("A text file or URL must be provided!").await?;
 		return Ok(());
diff --git a/src/consts.rs b/src/consts.rs
index 5a0aa29..f823470 100644
--- a/src/consts.rs
+++ b/src/consts.rs
@@ -1,15 +1,17 @@
-use std::collections::HashMap;
+use std::{collections::HashMap, sync::OnceLock};
 
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Color;
 
-pub static COLORS: Lazy<HashMap<&str, Color>> = Lazy::new(|| {
-	HashMap::from([
-		("red", Color::from((239, 68, 68))),
-		("green", Color::from((34, 197, 94))),
-		("blue", Color::from((96, 165, 250))),
-		("yellow", Color::from((253, 224, 71))),
-		("orange", Color::from((251, 146, 60))),
-		// TODO purple & pink :D
-	])
-});
+pub fn colors() -> &'static HashMap<&'static str, Color> {
+	static COLORS: OnceLock<HashMap<&str, Color>> = OnceLock::new();
+	COLORS.get_or_init(|| {
+		HashMap::from([
+			("red", Color::from((239, 68, 68))),
+			("green", Color::from((34, 197, 94))),
+			("blue", Color::from((96, 165, 250))),
+			("yellow", Color::from((253, 224, 71))),
+			("orange", Color::from((251, 146, 60))),
+			// TODO purple & pink :D
+		])
+	})
+}
diff --git a/src/handlers/error.rs b/src/handlers/error.rs
index b0e8462..019bb3f 100644
--- a/src/handlers/error.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/error.rs
@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ pub async fn handle(error: FrameworkError<'_, Data, Report>) {
 				.title("Something went wrong!")
 				.description("oopsie")
 				.timestamp(Timestamp::now())
-				.color(consts::COLORS["red"]);
+				.color(consts::colors()["red"]);
 
 			let reply = CreateReply::default().embed(embed);
 
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/issues.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/issues.rs
index 50822c1..72ee00a 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/issues.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/issues.rs
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
 use crate::{api, Data};
 
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
+
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use regex::Regex;
 
 pub type Issue = Option<(String, String)>;
@@ -103,12 +104,15 @@ fn intel_hd(log: &str) -> Issue {
 }
 
 fn java_option(log: &str) -> Issue {
-	static VM_OPTION_REGEX: Lazy<Regex> =
-		Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"Unrecognized VM option '(.+)'[\r\n]").unwrap());
-	static OPTION_REGEX: Lazy<Regex> =
-		Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"Unrecognized option: (.+)[\r\n]").unwrap());
+	static VM_OPTION_REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+	static UNRECOGNIZED_OPTION_REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
 
-	if let Some(captures) = VM_OPTION_REGEX.captures(log) {
+	let vm_option =
+		VM_OPTION_REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"Unrecognized VM option '(.+)'[\r\n]").unwrap());
+	let unrecognized_option = UNRECOGNIZED_OPTION_REGEX
+		.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"Unrecognized option: (.+)[\r\n]").unwrap());
+
+	if let Some(captures) = vm_option.captures(log) {
 		let title = if &captures[1] == "UseShenandoahGC" {
 			"Wrong Java Arguments"
 		} else {
@@ -120,7 +124,7 @@ fn java_option(log: &str) -> Issue {
 		));
 	}
 
-	if let Some(captures) = OPTION_REGEX.captures(log) {
+	if let Some(captures) = unrecognized_option.captures(log) {
 		return Some((
 			"Wrong Java Arguments".to_string(),
 			format!("Remove `{}` from your Java arguments", &captures[1]),
@@ -180,10 +184,11 @@ fn optinotfine(log: &str) -> Issue {
 }
 
 async fn outdated_launcher(log: &str, data: &Data) -> Result<Issue> {
-	static OUTDATED_LAUNCHER_REGEX: Lazy<Regex> =
-		Lazy::new(|| Regex::new("Prism Launcher version: [0-9].[0-9].[0-9]").unwrap());
+	static OUTDATED_LAUNCHER_REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+	let outdated_launcher = OUTDATED_LAUNCHER_REGEX
+		.get_or_init(|| Regex::new("Prism Launcher version: [0-9].[0-9].[0-9]").unwrap());
 
-	let Some(captures) = OUTDATED_LAUNCHER_REGEX.captures(log) else {
+	let Some(captures) = outdated_launcher.captures(log) else {
 		return Ok(None);
 	};
 
@@ -235,13 +240,12 @@ which is why the issue was not present."
 }
 
 fn wrong_java(log: &str) -> Issue {
-	static SWITCH_VERSION_REGEX: Lazy<Regex> = Lazy::new(|| {
-		Regex::new(
-            r"(?m)Please switch to one of the following Java versions for this instance:[\r\n]+(Java version [\d.]+)",
-        ).unwrap()
-	});
+	static SWITCH_VERSION_REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+	let switch_version = SWITCH_VERSION_REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(
+		r"(?m)Please switch to one of the following Java versions for this instance:[\r\n]+(Java version [\d.]+)",
+).unwrap());
 
-	if let Some(captures) = SWITCH_VERSION_REGEX.captures(log) {
+	if let Some(captures) = switch_version.captures(log) {
 		let versions = captures[1].split('\n').collect::<Vec<&str>>().join(", ");
 		return Some((
             "Wrong Java Version".to_string(),
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/mod.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/mod.rs
index 5d55694..58c38cf 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/mod.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/mod.rs
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
-use crate::consts::COLORS;
-use crate::Data;
+use crate::{consts, Data};
 
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::{debug, trace};
@@ -49,10 +48,10 @@ pub async fn handle(ctx: &Context, message: &Message, data: &Data) -> Result<()>
 
 		if issues.is_empty() {
 			e = e
-				.color(COLORS["green"])
+				.color(consts::colors()["green"])
 				.description("No issues found automatically");
 		} else {
-			e = e.color(COLORS["red"]);
+			e = e.color(consts::colors()["red"]);
 
 			for (title, description) in issues {
 				e = e.field(title, description, false);
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/0x0.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/0x0.rs
index 39b715c..14f7feb 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/0x0.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/0x0.rs
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
-use crate::utils;
+use crate::api;
+
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
 
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 use regex::Regex;
 
@@ -10,17 +11,18 @@ pub struct _0x0;
 
 impl super::LogProvider for _0x0 {
 	async fn find_match(&self, message: &Message) -> Option<String> {
-		static REGEX: Lazy<Regex> = Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"https://0x0\.st/\w*.\w*").unwrap());
+		static REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+		let regex = REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"https://0x0\.st/\w*.\w*").unwrap());
 
 		trace!("Checking if message {} is a 0x0 paste", message.id);
-		REGEX
+		regex
 			.find_iter(&message.content)
 			.map(|m| m.as_str().to_string())
 			.nth(0)
 	}
 
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String> {
-		let log = utils::text_from_url(content).await?;
+		let log = api::text_from_url(content).await?;
 
 		Ok(log)
 	}
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/attachment.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/attachment.rs
index 103c4c2..25ce3cc 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/attachment.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/attachment.rs
@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 
-use crate::utils;
+use crate::api;
 
 pub struct Attachment;
 
@@ -22,7 +22,7 @@ impl super::LogProvider for Attachment {
 	}
 
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String> {
-		let attachment = utils::bytes_from_url(content).await?;
+		let attachment = api::bytes_from_url(content).await?;
 		let log = String::from_utf8(attachment)?;
 		Ok(log)
 	}
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/haste.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/haste.rs
index 9909176..c4113d5 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/haste.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/haste.rs
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
-use crate::utils;
+use crate::api;
+
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
 
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 use regex::Regex;
 
@@ -13,16 +14,17 @@ pub struct Haste;
 
 impl super::LogProvider for Haste {
 	async fn find_match(&self, message: &Message) -> Option<String> {
-		static REGEX: Lazy<Regex> =
-			Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"https://hst\.sh(?:/raw)?/(\w+(?:\.\w*)?)").unwrap());
+		static REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+		let regex =
+			REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"https://hst\.sh(?:/raw)?/(\w+(?:\.\w*)?)").unwrap());
 
 		trace!("Checking if message {} is a hst.sh paste", message.id);
-		super::get_first_capture(&REGEX, &message.content)
+		super::get_first_capture(regex, &message.content)
 	}
 
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String> {
 		let url = format!("{HASTE}{RAW}/{content}");
-		let log = utils::text_from_url(&url).await?;
+		let log = api::text_from_url(&url).await?;
 
 		Ok(log)
 	}
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mclogs.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mclogs.rs
index 7e9265b..b0f0c35 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mclogs.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mclogs.rs
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
-use crate::utils;
+use crate::api;
+
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
 
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 use regex::Regex;
 
@@ -13,15 +14,16 @@ pub struct MCLogs;
 
 impl super::LogProvider for MCLogs {
 	async fn find_match(&self, message: &Message) -> Option<String> {
-		static REGEX: Lazy<Regex> = Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"https://mclo\.gs/(\w+)").unwrap());
+		static REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+		let regex = REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"https://mclo\.gs/(\w+)").unwrap());
 
 		trace!("Checking if message {} is an mclo.gs paste", message.id);
-		super::get_first_capture(&REGEX, &message.content)
+		super::get_first_capture(regex, &message.content)
 	}
 
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String> {
 		let url = format!("{MCLOGS}{RAW}/{content}");
-		let log = utils::text_from_url(&url).await?;
+		let log = api::text_from_url(&url).await?;
 
 		Ok(log)
 	}
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mod.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mod.rs
index 679f944..e20547f 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mod.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/mod.rs
@@ -2,7 +2,6 @@ use std::slice::Iter;
 
 use enum_dispatch::enum_dispatch;
 use eyre::Result;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 use regex::Regex;
 
@@ -25,7 +24,7 @@ pub trait LogProvider {
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String>;
 }
 
-fn get_first_capture(regex: &Lazy<Regex>, string: &str) -> Option<String> {
+fn get_first_capture(regex: &Regex, string: &str) -> Option<String> {
 	regex
 		.captures_iter(string)
 		.find_map(|c| c.get(1).map(|c| c.as_str().to_string()))
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/paste_gg.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/paste_gg.rs
index 5800a68..7ebead7 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/paste_gg.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/paste_gg.rs
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
 use crate::api::paste_gg;
 
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
+
 use eyre::{OptionExt, Result};
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 use regex::Regex;
 
@@ -10,11 +11,11 @@ pub struct PasteGG;
 
 impl super::LogProvider for PasteGG {
 	async fn find_match(&self, message: &Message) -> Option<String> {
-		static REGEX: Lazy<Regex> =
-			Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"https://paste.gg/p/\w+/(\w+)").unwrap());
+		static REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+		let regex = REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"https://paste.gg/p/\w+/(\w+)").unwrap());
 
 		trace!("Checking if message {} is a paste.gg paste", message.id);
-		super::get_first_capture(&REGEX, &message.content)
+		super::get_first_capture(regex, &message.content)
 	}
 
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String> {
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/pastebin.rs b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/pastebin.rs
index f124018..66feecc 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/pastebin.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/analyze_logs/providers/pastebin.rs
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
-use crate::utils;
+use crate::api;
+
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
 
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::Message;
 use regex::Regex;
 
@@ -13,16 +14,17 @@ pub struct PasteBin;
 
 impl super::LogProvider for PasteBin {
 	async fn find_match(&self, message: &Message) -> Option<String> {
-		static REGEX: Lazy<Regex> =
-			Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"https://pastebin\.com(?:/raw)?/(\w+)").unwrap());
+		static REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+		let regex =
+			REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"https://pastebin\.com(?:/raw)?/(\w+)").unwrap());
 
 		trace!("Checking if message {} is a pastebin paste", message.id);
-		super::get_first_capture(&REGEX, &message.content)
+		super::get_first_capture(regex, &message.content)
 	}
 
 	async fn fetch(&self, content: &str) -> Result<String> {
 		let url = format!("{PASTEBIN}{RAW}/{content}");
-		let log = utils::text_from_url(&url).await?;
+		let log = api::text_from_url(&url).await?;
 
 		Ok(log)
 	}
diff --git a/src/handlers/event/eta.rs b/src/handlers/event/eta.rs
index f818c2e..f4219f1 100644
--- a/src/handlers/event/eta.rs
+++ b/src/handlers/event/eta.rs
@@ -1,13 +1,17 @@
+use std::sync::OnceLock;
+
 use eyre::Result;
 use log::trace;
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::{Context, Message};
 use rand::seq::SliceRandom;
 use regex::Regex;
 
-static ETA_REGEX: Lazy<Regex> = Lazy::new(|| Regex::new(r"\beta\b").unwrap());
+fn regex() -> &'static Regex {
+	static REGEX: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+	REGEX.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"\beta\b").unwrap())
+}
 
-const ETA_MESSAGES: [&str; 16] = [
+const MESSAGES: [&str; 16] = [
 	"Sometime",
 	"Some day",
 	"Not far",
@@ -27,7 +31,7 @@ const ETA_MESSAGES: [&str; 16] = [
 ];
 
 pub async fn handle(ctx: &Context, message: &Message) -> Result<()> {
-	if !ETA_REGEX.is_match(&message.content) {
+	if !regex().is_match(&message.content) {
 		trace!(
 			"The message '{}' (probably) doesn't say ETA",
 			message.content
@@ -37,7 +41,7 @@ pub async fn handle(ctx: &Context, message: &Message) -> Result<()> {
 
 	let response = format!(
 		"{} <:pofat:1031701005559144458>",
-		ETA_MESSAGES
+		MESSAGES
 			.choose(&mut rand::thread_rng())
 			.unwrap_or(&"sometime")
 	);
diff --git a/src/main.rs b/src/main.rs
index 893250d..118b109 100644
--- a/src/main.rs
+++ b/src/main.rs
@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ use storage::Storage;
 
 type Context<'a> = poise::Context<'a, Data, Report>;
 
-#[derive(Clone)]
+#[derive(Clone, Debug, Default)]
 pub struct Data {
 	config: Config,
 	storage: Option<Storage>,
diff --git a/src/utils/mod.rs b/src/utils/mod.rs
index 62aa051..d12edb2 100644
--- a/src/utils/mod.rs
+++ b/src/utils/mod.rs
@@ -1,34 +1,7 @@
-use crate::api::REQWEST_CLIENT;
-
-use eyre::Result;
-use log::debug;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::{CreateEmbedAuthor, User};
-use reqwest::Response;
 
 pub mod resolve_message;
 
-pub async fn get_url(url: &str) -> Result<Response> {
-	debug!("Making request to {url}");
-	let resp = REQWEST_CLIENT.get(url).send().await?;
-	resp.error_for_status_ref()?;
-
-	Ok(resp)
-}
-
-pub async fn text_from_url(url: &str) -> Result<String> {
-	let resp = get_url(url).await?;
-
-	let text = resp.text().await?;
-	Ok(text)
-}
-
-pub async fn bytes_from_url(url: &str) -> Result<Vec<u8>> {
-	let resp = get_url(url).await?;
-
-	let bytes = resp.bytes().await?;
-	Ok(bytes.to_vec())
-}
-
 pub fn embed_author_from_user(user: &User) -> CreateEmbedAuthor {
 	CreateEmbedAuthor::new(user.tag()).icon_url(
 		user.avatar_url()
diff --git a/src/utils/resolve_message.rs b/src/utils/resolve_message.rs
index 95b01d5..e6bd2dd 100644
--- a/src/utils/resolve_message.rs
+++ b/src/utils/resolve_message.rs
@@ -1,9 +1,9 @@
 use crate::api::pluralkit;
-use std::str::FromStr;
+
+use std::{str::FromStr, sync::OnceLock};
 
 use eyre::{eyre, Context as _, Result};
 use log::{debug, trace};
-use once_cell::sync::Lazy;
 use poise::serenity_prelude::{
 	Cache, CacheHttp, ChannelId, ChannelType, Colour, Context, CreateEmbed, CreateEmbedAuthor,
 	CreateEmbedFooter, GuildChannel, Member, Message, MessageId, Permissions, UserId,
@@ -36,8 +36,9 @@ async fn member_can_view_channel(
 	member: &Member,
 	channel: &GuildChannel,
 ) -> Result<bool> {
-	static REQUIRED_PERMISSIONS: Lazy<Permissions> =
-		Lazy::new(|| Permissions::VIEW_CHANNEL | Permissions::READ_MESSAGE_HISTORY);
+	static REQUIRED_PERMISSIONS: OnceLock<Permissions> = OnceLock::new();
+	let required_permissions = REQUIRED_PERMISSIONS
+		.get_or_init(|| Permissions::VIEW_CHANNEL | Permissions::READ_MESSAGE_HISTORY);
 
 	let guild = ctx.http().get_guild(channel.guild_id).await?;
 
@@ -60,7 +61,7 @@ async fn member_can_view_channel(
 
 	let can_view = guild
 		.user_permissions_in(&channel_to_check, member)
-		.contains(*REQUIRED_PERMISSIONS);
+		.contains(*required_permissions);
 	Ok(can_view)
 }
 
@@ -109,9 +110,8 @@ pub async fn to_embed(
 }
 
 pub async fn from_message(ctx: &Context, msg: &Message) -> Result<Vec<CreateEmbed>> {
-	static MESSAGE_PATTERN: Lazy<Regex> = Lazy::new(|| {
-		Regex::new(r"(?:https?:\/\/)?(?:canary\.|ptb\.)?discord(?:app)?\.com\/channels\/(?<server_id>\d+)\/(?<channel_id>\d+)\/(?<message_id>\d+)").unwrap()
-	});
+	static MESSAGE_PATTERN: OnceLock<Regex> = OnceLock::new();
+	let message_pattern = MESSAGE_PATTERN.get_or_init(|| Regex::new(r"(?:https?:\/\/)?(?:canary\.|ptb\.)?discord(?:app)?\.com\/channels\/(?<server_id>\d+)\/(?<channel_id>\d+)\/(?<message_id>\d+)").unwrap());
 
 	let Some(guild_id) = msg.guild_id else {
 		debug!("Not resolving message in DM");
@@ -128,7 +128,7 @@ pub async fn from_message(ctx: &Context, msg: &Message) -> Result<Vec<CreateEmbe
 
 	let author = guild_id.member(ctx, author_id).await?;
 
-	let matches = MESSAGE_PATTERN
+	let matches = message_pattern
 		.captures_iter(&msg.content)
 		.map(|capture| capture.extract());